Getting Ready For A Dinner Date (Age 26)

Thumbing through my dresses I selected one which resembled the forties. A cotton floral print with square short sleeves and a square neck-line, snug in the waist ,knee length and flowy. I turned to face the bathroom mirrors outside of the closet, so I could hold the dress up to me and visualize it on, and to make certain it was the right apparel choice, perfect for tonight!… I paused for a long time and gazed into my full body reflection, I think I will look pretty… I stared at my face, will Jonah think I look pretty tonight?… I felt angry with myself for caring so much about how I looked on the outside. I dropped my left arm, the arm that was holding up the dress. I stared at my naked body, my woman's body. Lost in a gaze I blurred my eyes and then focused them, blurred my eyes and then focused them. The dress and hanger felt heavy in my hand, so I let go of them. My shoulders suddenly felt heavy as well, so I also let go of my confident posture and continued to stare at my reflection of skin, Jonah doesn't love this naked body, too many curves, too big of hips, too tall… I felt hate for my body and tortured myself as a stared at it. I felt like I should cover it, but instead I chose to humiliate myself in front of myself, punish myself for having this body, who would ever want to softly touch or hold this ugly body? I understand why Jonah refuses to face me when we go to bed, I understand why I never feel the warmth of his skin…

4 Controversial Questions I Have To Ask!!!

To answer: Leave a comment below, and number your answers according to the questions. Keep them simple, OR EVEN BETTER, ELABORATE! You can agree or disagree with others, and be sure to check back to see how others respond to yours!!!

1-If you cheat on someone you love and you regret it, knowing you will never do it again, should you tell the person you love, or should you keep it a secret for the rest of your life?

2-Can you be in love with more than one person at one time?

3-Should you tell the person you love how many sexual partners you have had and is it okay to share with them your sexual adventures?

4-Is it possible to forgive and forget, and have a healthy relationship, after someone cheats? (If so, what is needed to make it work, and how long will it take to trust again?)

(please post your age, and whether you are male or female)

I Was 17 He Was 24. And Here We Are 6 Months Of Dating....

Christmas Eve, Brandon asked to speak to me in my bedroom. He is Shaking, white in the face; he is scared. I wondered what bad news he was about to share and why on Christmas Eve? He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. I could feel his own heart knocking on my chest. His nervousness made me nervous. This bad news, whatever it was had to be extremely bad; what else would make a six foot four grown man's-man tremble? He slid down my body and fell to his knees, what did I do to make him submit to me all the sudden? He seemed to be pleading for something… but what? “Theresa Angela Thacker,” he said while reaching for my hand which was hidden under the cuff of my long-sleaved, over-sized Grunge flannel shirt, pushing up the sleave he placed my hand gently into his callused, construction-working hands, “I love you... and I want to spend the rest of my life with you... will you marry me?” He pulled from his flannel shirt pocket a small, black, velvet box. With his thumb he flipped open the lid like a zippo lighter. Inside nestled in white satin was a little gold ring with a single diamond perched on top. I smiled and stretched my fingers out for him to slide it on “Yes” I told him “I will marry you!” he stood up and wrapped his big arms around me, with a big happy grunt he hoisted me up off the ground so my clunky, Black, Doc Marin combat boots dangled heavy at the bottom of my scrawny adolescent legs. He buried his face into the crook of my neck, his heart still knocking on my chest, "Oh Theresa you have no idea how happy you have made me!" He cheerfully said with a muffled voice. He was overwhelmed with joy and now crushing me. I wasn’t feeling how I always imagined I would feel when I got proposed to. Here was a tall, dark, and handsome man with movie star looks asking me to marry him and I wasn’t happy or sad, I was just still and in shock of my answer. I held him silently for a moment as he softly slid me down his brawny body. Still holding him with my cheek pressed to his chest, I belted out a big fake cry of happiness. He held me tighter and so I fake cried more. When he pulled back to see me and greet my watery eyes with his... I twirled quickly away and rushed to the restroom with fake sniffles crying “I have to get some tissue!”

Best Friend With The "Best New Drug" = Best Relationship?

It wasn't your typical bachelor pad! It was a true mansion sitting large and proud on a hill like a robust rooster demanding attention perched in Paradise Valley Arizona. Tyler and I danced through the triple-wide hallways, our bare feet slapping the travertine tile as we laughed and played and made our way to the kitchen for water. We had been up for two days and two nights and the new morning for what would be the third day wasn't pressing us to sleep. We were having so much fun eating ecstasy pills (something I was new to, and gave little concern of the risks since it felt so blissful). In the kitchen Tyler and I guzzled water, but we both could barely keep from smiling. Water dribbled down both our chins. I loved his cute face, he was younger than me, his skin was flawless, his smile big and kinda square and his big brown and gold eyes active and bright... "Baby I just want to make you pregnant" he said. I was shocked! No one had ever said that to me before. Although I was not ready to be a mother nor would I ever allow myself to get pregnant during this party stage in my life, I was flattered and felt loved by Tyler. He wasn't just saying he wanted a child, he was saying he wanted me always in his life.

After hydrating ourselves Tyler gave me my own personal concert while he mixed electronic music on his CDJ's (which were like turntables but allowed a DJ to mix his CD's rather than his records). Tyler's DJ name was DJ Tempting Business; I called him Tempting B and he loved it and he loved me, he adored me, I could see it in his eyes. Tyler was my first boyfriend who was also my friend, my buddy as well as my lover. I danced to his music before him, I felt beautiful, he felt talented, life felt good.

(I will touch further on this 3 year long Chemical relationship)

My Reminder Ring

I sat on the floor against the wall in our bedroom holding tight to my knees, an egg position I had slunk into after sliding my back down our cold walls. Sobbing, my top lip quivering while my bottom lip sucked into my mouth. My nose ran so much that sniffling would not help and would only draw more attention to this pathetic sight so I wiped my nose with my long-sleeved pajama top... thank god this room is pitch black at night, thank god for our black heavy gothic drapes thank god he can't see me right now. Jonah laid snug in our antique metal bed; the slightest bit of movement the bed would rattle and squeak as if it was holding on by four tired screws ready to slip out any minute and send the mattresses crashing to the floor. But at the moment there were no rattles or squeaks, and it wasn't because my boyfriend was asleep. I knew he was awake because I knew the way he breathed when he was awake and I knew the way he breathed when he was asleep. I knew Jonah heard me crying, I knew he knew I was hurting, I knew he didn't care. I wanted so badly to go over and shake him and beg him to be human and see me as a human but I remained there in my egg position out of rational attempts to reach out. I need to not talk as much, be silent and powerful like him. I need to not joke around as much, speak intelligently and articulately like him. I need to make more time for books like he does, he loves Anne Rice I could love Thomas Harris. I need to stop listening to Matchbox Twenty and Our Lady Peace and fill my bathroom and car with the sounds of dark Industrial music like what he listens too. Jonah needs to see me as mysterious and as interesting as I see him. I can't shake him into human but I can cry my human away.


The long, slow, distant and romantic breaths of Jonah rolled in and I knew he was now asleep. I stood up from the floor and walked over to our bedroom glass sliding doors that lead to our backyard. I pulled the heavy gothic drapes apart just a bit so the moonlight could peek through and illuminate my boyfriend's still face. I looked at him sleeping he looked innocent and beautiful, his mouth softly opened just enough for his angelic breath to graze his lips as he inhales and exhales making the sounds of his peaceful sleep. His large gauged earrings nestled within his lobes. He never took them out. They were shaped like demon horns and made of silver which adobted more of his warmth than I ever could. At night he turned them inward, nonthreatening, with the points in the opposite direction of how he normal wore them throughout the day. His earrings now resembled a bird's wings tucked in when it contently settles down and prepares to rest... I'm so in love with this man. I walked to the other side of the bed and slid quietly in. His back was now to me, a position he placed himself every night. I thought about his face again as I closed my eyes, then I thought about my own face as I ran my finger tips over my cheeks, my eyelids, my nose, my lips especially my lips I thought about how I want him to kiss me, how he never kisses me I think about how he must not see my face as a beautiful face, I wonder if he ever can after the 2 years that have already passed. I think I have a chance, if I can be less human less emotional if I can be more like him he will be less annoyed with me, more attracted to me and he will want to keep me.

The next day I would go shopping for a ring to wear on my index finger. This ring will be a reminder ring like when people tie a string around their finger so they wont forget something. With my ring I will always remember my goal to be more like my boyfriend and when I am about to talk of nonsence and silly things to him I can see my reminder ring as well as touch it and I will be able to hold back my words until I have something of more substance to say. And when I feel tempted to talk about us or kiss his lips or hold his hand as we walk, I can feel my ring and bite my lip and keep my hands to my side. I will wear my ring to bed and reframe from trying to put my arms around him with my chest pressed to his back, I will reframe from these things he calls "needy".